What to Say When Your Child Says “I Can’t Do It”

Every parent has heard those frustrating words—"I can't do it!"—often accompanied by tears or outright refusal. Whether it's homework, tying shoelaces, or riding a bike, this phrase usually signals fear, self-doubt, or simply not knowing how to persevere yet.

Your response in that moment is powerful. With the right approach, you can transform helplessness into confidence. Here's how:

1. Stay Calm and Acknowledge Their Feelings

When a child says “I can’t do it,” they may be feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Before rushing in with advice or corrections, take a moment to show empathy.

Say this:

🔹 “It sounds like this is really hard right now.”

🔹 “I can see you’re frustrated. That’s okay.”

📌 Why it works: Validating their feelings helps your child feel heard and supported. When they’re calmer, they’ll be more open to trying again.

2. Reframe the Statement with “Yet”

Teach your child that ability comes with effort and time—not instantly.

Say this:

🔹 “You can’t do it yet, but you’re learning.”

🔹 “Let’s figure it out together.”

📌 Why it works: Adding “yet” turns a fixed mindset into a growth mindset. It tells your child that struggle is part of learning, not a sign of failure.

3. Break the Task Into Smaller Steps

Sometimes “I can’t do it” really means “I don’t know where to start.” Help your child tackle the task one small step at a time.

Say this:

🔹 “Let’s try just the first part together.”

🔹 “What’s one small thing you could do right now?”

📌 Why it works: Small wins build momentum. When children experience success in small steps, they feel more confident moving forward.

4. Share a Personal Story of Struggle

Let your child know that even adults have moments of “I can’t.”

Say this:

🔹 “I remember when I felt like that too. I kept practising and it got easier.”

🔹 “Everyone struggles sometimes—that’s how we learn.”

📌 Why it works: Hearing about your own setbacks normalises the feeling and shows that persistence pays off.

5. Focus on Effort, Not Outcome

Praise your child’s effort rather than whether they got it right or wrong.

Say this:

🔹 “I’m proud of how hard you’re trying.”

🔹 “Look at how much progress you’ve made already!”

📌 Why it works: This builds resilience and encourages them to keep going, even if success doesn’t come right away.

6. Offer Support, But Don’t Take Over

It’s tempting to jump in and do it for them—but this sends the message that they really can’t do it.

Say this:

🔹 “I’m here if you need help, but I know you can give it a good try.”

🔹 “Let’s work on it side by side.”

📌 Why it works: Being present without taking over helps your child feel capable and supported.

7. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

When your child gives it another go, make a big deal out of the effort—not just the result.

Say this:

🔹 “You didn’t give up—that’s amazing!”

🔹 “You kept trying, even when it was tough. That’s called grit!”

📌 Why it works: It reinforces that trying again is something to be proud of, regardless of the outcome.

When your child says “I can’t do it,” they’re not just asking for help—they’re asking for encouragement. Your response can shape how they view themselves and their ability to overcome challenges.

With calm reassurance, supportive language, and a focus on effort, you can help your child build resilience and confidence that lasts far beyond the task at hand.

We invite you to book a free trial class at one of our learning centres to see the programs in action and experience the benefits for your child.

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About the author

Hi there, my name is Clifford and I am the founder and CEO of Babington...

I apologize if you are reading this article in Chinese, as I used auto-translate to translate it from English! Unfortunately, I can't read or write Chinese despite being in Hong Kong since 2009. I am very much a family man and spend most of my time with my wife, our toddler and our ginormous labrador called Archie! I am originally from the UK and am passionate about education and children. I have a master's degree in education and am, unfortunately, I am a doctorate in education dropout. I hope to one day resume my doctorate!